If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
