There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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