Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize