So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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