Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
