I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
