Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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