She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
