i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
