I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
