Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
