If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm like, not good at living.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
