Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
