Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
