My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
