so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
