Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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