Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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