Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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