I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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