He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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