so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
