there's paper in my vomit.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
