just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
