I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
