she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need water and some morals
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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