Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
