Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
