that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
