Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
