you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
