lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
