So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
