know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize