.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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