I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
