I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
