I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
