Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
