we have pet lesbian snakes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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