I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I know her cup size but not her name....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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