508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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