chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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