i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
