Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
