Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
