I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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