How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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