I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
