I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
