this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
