My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
