Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
