a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
