By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
