Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
