Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
