Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize