Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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