i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
