My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
