sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
one two three fourrrrnication!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
