I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
