I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
