I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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