Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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