Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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